Hungry Cows
Hungry Goat
Quickly, the farmer began to receive complaints from neighbors that the animals were wandering onto people's properties, eating the feed for their own animals, scaring women and children, snatching food from tables, and even making their way into town where they sometimes stood smack dab in the middle of roadways, blocking the path of carriages for up to hours. The entire village was soon fed up and went to the farmer and told him to fix his gate so that the animals could no longer wander off his property.
Chickens on Neighboring Farms
The farmer, being a successful and clever capitalist, decided to use democracy to his advantage. He told the village to vote on how he should fix the problem, thus they would choose the best solution and the farmer knew that couldn't be held responsible for what would happen henceforth. He gave them the option of the screwdriver or the hammer. He told them about the wonders that nails have done in the past: how thanks to nails and hammers even our ancient ancestors could build houses and boats; that the hammer had existed for centuries and had served man well, so why use anything else. Then he preached about the technical ingenuity of the screw and the screwdriver, praising them as hallmarks of progress. He told them to think it over that night and the vote would take place the following morning.
Scheming Medieval Farmer
At first people thought it was absurd to fix an iron gate with anything but a blacksmith. However, the farmer argued that a blacksmith was just impractical and wishful thinking, and since the farmer knew absolutely nothing about welding and there was no blacksmith living in the village, it would have to be the hammer or the screwdriver. To create support for the two options, the farmer promised two of his friends a small cut of the money he made from the extra animals if they would each campaign for one of the two choices. They agreed and got right down to campaigning. Before long, the lines were drawn in the sand. By nightfall, many people began to fervently defend the virtues of nails and screws.
"wishful thinking"
Medieval Hammer
Medieval Screwdriver
Families became divided: Children were sent to bed supperless for going against their parent's choices; wives were beaten for deciding to vote opposite to their husbands; husbands were given undercooked food so that they would be too sick to vote the following day. Friends became enemies. Bar fights erupted more frequently than Mt. Etna. Even the farmer's two friends who were put in charge of the campaigns began to feel nothing but disdain for the other. Support for the two sides grew quickly. People donated money to the two campaign heads so that they could work solely toward winning the election. Even those who had next to nothing were giving their finest linens or what little food or animals they had to their respective campaigns. Musicians were hired on both sides to draw in the undecided voters. This carried on through a sleepless night. The spirit of competition was in full swing.
Typical Medieval Wife-beater...
Just Kidding! It's more like this...
Actual Medieval Wife-beater
By sunrise, the debate was heated. The town was covered with makeshift signs, touting the greatness of each device. At 9 am, hundreds of villagers showed up to vote. After the votes were tallied, everyone gathered around to hear who the winner was. The broken iron gate was the last thing on anybody's mind at that point. What mattered was which device would prevail. The farmer's animals were wandering through the crowds as if they were curious onlookers. A man got up on a stool with a small piece of paper in his hand, overlooking the faces of fury and intense conviction.
"Faces of fury and intense conviction"
A young child about 11 years old began shouting at the backs of the crowd. Silence grew as the people turned around to see the little blond boy. He began to call it all a big farce. He said that what they were doing was insane and that even an 11 year old could see that. He pleaded for reason, saying that there were more ways to stop animals from escaping, such as wire fences or stone walls, and that they were being deceived. He mentioned that the two campaign heads were lifelong friends of the farmer and that he really has no intentions of fixing the gate. He also pointed out the most ridiculous fact of all which was that any nails or screws would have to be welded, so it would make more sense for that same blacksmith, however far away he maybe, to just fix the iron gate.
Child
After a short silence, a contagious laughter spread throughout the masses. They began to ridicule the child, calling him a stupid tawpie. Some began to hurl the feces at the boy that were left on the ground from the farmer's animals. A nail & hammer supporter picked up a rock that he could barely get his hand around and launched it at the innocent voice of reason. The rock caught the child right on the bridge of the nose and knocked him unconscious. The great cheer that followed the young dissident's demise could be heard echoing almost a mile into the surrounding forest. The crowd returned its attention to the speaker, anxious to hear the winner.
Feces that were thrown at the boy
The man slowly unfolded the paper. The silence was deafening. Even the farmer's animals were quiet and still as if they somehow knew that the decision would affect them. The speaker looked up at the crowd and announced that the screwdriver was the winner. There was a great uproar on both sides; one in joy and celebration and the other in anger and bitterness. The farmer happily agreed that he would use the screwdriver to repair the broken gate.
After one year had passed, the farmer had yet to fix the gate. He spent most of his time justifying his inaction with excuses that weren't very clever, just clever enough keep the villagers from revolting against him and his overweight farm animals. He often said that he needed different size screws or that he was waiting on a new screwdriver to be sent in from a distant village. After another year had passed, people began to forget all about the elections and just got used to the inconveniences caused by the farm animals. They eventually found satisfaction in their complacency and couldn't imagine a life without the frequent annoyances caused by the farmer's animals.
As for the young boy, he quickly realized that you can't use reason in politics. He saw how easy it was to mislead people through misinformation, however democratic it all may seem. Taking the weary man's attitude of If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, he eventually found a cozy place among the English nobility, who like him were deformed at the nose, where he lived out the rest of his days, safe in the knowledge that there will always be two types of people in the world: those who want to live in illusions and the illusionists who fulfill their unconscious desire for solidarity in mass docility.
Boy who became a nobleman/illusionist
